July 22, 2011

“To forget one's purpose is the commonest form of stupidity. “ --Friedrich Nietzsche

Some stories are outright funny.  Some are definitely not funny; they are downright sad.  This one is a comedic blend of both.  Remember the guy with the five kids?  When I met his middle kid, I thought the boy was older.  (I’m going to call him John in this story.  He is no longer a minor; however, I believe in this situation it is best to use a pseudonym.)

Don’t remember why or how I volunteered to drive a bunch of kids from Point A to Point B.  But I did.  So I have kids crammed into my car and some of the kids are talking about getting their driver’s license soon.  I remarked, “Well John, you’ll be getting yours in a couple years.”   Just as I said this, I looked into the rearview mirror.  John shot me a dirty look and said, “What are you talking about?  I’m only 13.”  Initially his reaction shocked me.  Most kids when you guess they are older are flattered and seem proud to appear ‘all grown up’.  So I make a quip about him being big for his age and drop it.

Time goes by and I’m in the office with Father-of-Five when he gets a phone call.  It’s the psycho ex-wife.  She just got a copy of John’s birth certificate in the mail.  (John needs a passport so he can go to Canada with family.)  He’s not 14.  He’s 15.  And his 16^th birthday is only a few months away!  After all the back-and-forth over the phone, they realize one of them put down the wrong birth year when enrolling him at private school.  It seems John had two ‘5 Years Old’ birthday celebrations!  And when John transferred from the private school to public high school, the wrong year transferred with him.

You know all these thoughts were floating around in my head:  “Even if one of them wrote down the wrong year, you’d think the other parent would have corrected it sometime in the past 10 years!”  “Didn’t the grandparents notice one of the grandkids was 5 years old for 2 years?”  “This kid has been reading the wrong Chinese horoscope.”  “What the fuck is wrong with this family?”

To answer that I would have to tell you more stories.  Like when I met the youngest one, I truly thought he was a family friend or cousin.  No family resemblance.  Another story saved for another day.  Back to John.  I think he knew.  Deep down I think he knew and that is why his reaction towards me was intensely negative.  Or maybe he simply thought I was a bitch.