Go-betweens

“The most dangerous untruths are truths moderately distorted.” –Georg Christoph Lichtenberg

I am leery around ‘go-betweens’.  I call them ‘tweeners.  There are two types.  Those who believe it is their duty as a friend, leader, parental figure, or whatever rocks their world to take your information, your news, your stories and share it with whomever.   The caveat is the intention of the’ tweener is to advance their standing in the group; it is never for your benefit.  The second type is those who believe they have a right to act on what is told to them by the other type of ‘tweener.  I know, I know.  Sounds a bit like Who’s on first, What’s on second and I Don’t Know is on third.

Please keep in mind I am strictly dealing with the actions of those who act excessively as go-betweens without your best interests at heart.  I’m not talking about the natural sharing which happens in healthy relationships.  Passing on information is a very normal way for people to communicate.  What is not normal, or healthy, is the sense of displaced ownership a ‘tweener has about your info, your news and your stories.

I used to be a hardcore ‘tweener.  I was addicted to the passing of info.  The some dastardly shit happened to me, my family and a handful of friends by my careless playing around in drama-rama land.  By passing on info as much as I did and by keeping people in my inner circle who fed off what I was dishing out, I started a chain of events.  By the time it was over, the blood in the water was mine and the sharks circle for a feeding frenzy.  It wasn’t about breaking confidences; it was about participating in bad juju.  For a period of almost seven years or so I lived this unrighteous lifestyle.  I realize now how I allowed myself to get played like a pawn.

I have shared my hurt, my anger when I’ve recognized ‘tweening in action and it was causing a bit of drama.  As a ‘tweener in recovery I thought they would appreciate my input.  Not true.  Instead of being thoughtful and apologetic, they became angry themselves.  Because it was never their fault.  It was the other person’s fault.   Or their actions were righteous if I could just understand their reason for doing what they did.  They are sorry something not nice happened from my end; however, they really did have my interest at heart.

Why I am cautious around these folk is they tend to be people who do not take much stock in personal accountability.  Another generalization is a ‘tweener has the attributes of a major gossip.  Lack of accountability mixed with some gossip equates to a lifestyle of drama.  We have all heard these statements: “She said that you were no longer having problems with it and everything was fine.  So I had no idea.”  “He said he had just talked to you.  He said you wanted me to do that, so I did.”

What do you want to hear when you say, “I was hurt by your actions.”?  Do you want to hear, “Sorry, but it wasn’t my fault cuz if Judy wouldn’t have made it sound like you were okay with it…?” Or “I apologize if my actions hurt you.  I won’t do it again.”