“Never say never, for if you live long enough, chances are you will not be able to abide by its restrictions. Never is a long, undependable time, and life is too full of rich possibilities to have restrictions placed upon it.” –Gloria Swanson
Self-evaluation is as complete as it’s going to get in this moment. The self-imposed unspecified time period has reached it’s limit. And here’s what I’ve figured out.
I developed some survival tools that are unhealthy, and at times personally destructive, to adapt to living in an environment rife with parental alienation. As much as I’d like to think that ‘off and on’ therapy has helped me distance myself from these learned patterns, I am still sliding down into my childhood ‘comfort zones’ more often than I want to admit.
I am grateful to my friends who listen and gently remind me to take ownership of ‘me’. And to realize the greatest gift I can give myself is the commitment to extend loving compassion to ‘me’. This in turn allows appreciation of all the life lessons presented to me within the lifestyle. A positive side note: I have a new energy bubbling up during zazen.
My current musing? I see no reason to return to therapy. Staying present with my actions and staying real with my ‘family’ of friends in order to glean their wisdom has allowed me to understand my part within my life. Therapy? We don’t need no stinking therapy!
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