Most of us think of a fist to the face as violence. That’s not where my mind goes. I think of nonconsensual interactions between beings. I think of ‘bait-and-switch’ tactics and hidden agendas to lure others into relationships. I think of malicious, seemingly never ending mind fucks. I think of all the things people do to others to justify their unawareness, to validate their petty selfishness or to satisfy a mean spirited nature.
We know women who trusted a ‘Dom’ who tricked them into being bound and then commits assault. We know someone who entered into an M/s relationship and then found their wallet emptied and credit trashed by the ‘slave’ who was full of excuses why they could not get or keep a job. We have experienced the person who agreed to join us in a poly lifestyle and then built outside intimate relationships without our knowledge. (Notice I do not use the word ‘consent’. Many poly people do not require consent, or veto rights, only knowledge.) We know couples who enter this lifestyle and each person has different motivations: one wants to please the other and one wants legitimacy to have extramarital sex.
The crazy thing about my life is that most people out there would call me the deviant who likes violence. However I challenge their assumptions. I believe the deviant people are those who are responsible for committing true violence by assuring us their motives are pure, full of love for us, while they create harm and deception in order to hide their real agenda.
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