July 27, 2011

“Our language has wisely sensed the two sides of being alone. It has created the word loneliness to express the pain of being alone. And it has created the word solitude to express the glory of being alone.” --Paul Tillich

After some self-reflection, many trials and tribulations, much contained desire, and setting aside dreams of a fairy tale existence, I have decided to dust off my copy of “The Ethical Slut”.

July 26, 2011

 “Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.” --George Carlin

I have seen beauty.  I have seen people give without hesitation.  I have looked on when people performed selfless acts for another.  Tears come to me when the memories drift back.  And I let the emotions go.  I wipe away any tears and I blow my nose.  Then I see the decline of our western civilization, Spheeris-style.  I hear ‘Johnny Hit and Run Pauline’; I know where I am.

Nobody wakes up one morning and says, “Today I will become a cynic.”  We come to this state of being from experiences that left us emotionally disfigured.  I have my scars from years of being stubborn.  I acted persistently upon a belief most people will take action to ease the suffering of others, even someone outside of their “family” or “group”.  I truly believed most people would act with true compassion once they saw suffering.

At the very least, people would not take action to prey upon a weakened soul and hurt it further.  But most people do prey.  And they will do harm.  We all know someone who has used excuses (an addiction, imperfect parents) to validate the harm they inflict upon others and us.  Their actions say, “My need for self-gratification is paramount to anyone and anything.”  Tears come to me when painful memories drift back.  Then I let the emotions go.  I wipe away any tears and I blow my nose.  I see once again people give without hesitation.  I see beauty and know where I am.

July 25, 2011

“Science may have found a cure for most evils; but it has found no remedy for the worst of them all - the apathy of human beings.” –Helen Keller

I had a sad moment today.  Apathy exists when I am viewed as a stranger, an outsider.  Apathy will stand idly by as disaster knocks at my door.  It will not sound a warning. 

Those who cloak themselves with indifference excuse their lack of action by saying, “She is not one of us.  What hurt comes her way will not affect us.  Her pain is not ours.  She is not one of us.”

July 24, 2011

“It is difficult not to write satire.” --Juvenal

When I was a little girl I used have books about Aesop’s Fables and Greek mythology.  They left an impression that has lasted to this day.  Years ago some people went wild for All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten.  I stayed wild for the fables and myths.  One of my favorite fables is about the Scorpion and the Frog. 

Summary is:  Scorpion asks Frog for a ride across the stream.  Frog has doubts and asks Scorpion, “How do I know you won’t sting me?”  Scorpion answers, “If I sting you, I’ll die with you.”  Frog lets the Scorpion’s answer ease her doubts.  Scorpion hops on Frog.  Half way across the stream Scorpion stings Frog.  As they both are starting to sink into the deep waters, Frog asks, “Why?”  Scorpion answers, “I’m a scorpion.  It’s my nature.”

 
Do you know any scorpions? Are you ever the scorpion?   When are you the frog?  The fable shows us clearly the Scorpion’s nature; however, is it as dramatic as to illustrate the Frog’s nature? 

(Heheh heh, Beavis, she said, “hops on frog,” uh heh heh heh, Uh… is this like Hops on Pop? heh heh)

July 23, 2011

"I'm not upset that you lied to me, I'm upset that from now on I can't believe you"
- Friedrich Nietzsche

 Where most of us get into trouble is with our threshold for accepting lies.  We are told they are real:  Santa, the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy.  We are told we’ll grow up to be strong if we eat spinach.  We are told our pets went to a farm out in the country.  And for most of us these are the worst lies our parents tell us.  For most of us our limits for tolerating deceitful behavior is very low.  Then there are those who have almost no limits.

 
Imagine living with parents who don’t stop lying.  Imagine you are a child with parents who are divorced.  You, two of your brothers and your father live in a small two bedroom apartment.  Your mother and two other siblings live 20 miles away in a 4 bedroom house.  Your mother tells you the reason you cannot live with her is because your father is a better parent.  And your mother convinces you to lie to the others because she picks you up frequently, takes you to a drive through, and brings you back home.  Or your dad asks you to lie about how much money he gave you to go on vacation with your mother because if you tell her the truth she will take your most of your money.

Some people are upset at being told lies.  Or being asked to participate with a lie.  Some people are raised with lies and this is their way of life.  Their sense of self is intertwined with being lied to.

July 22, 2011

“To forget one's purpose is the commonest form of stupidity. “ --Friedrich Nietzsche

Some stories are outright funny.  Some are definitely not funny; they are downright sad.  This one is a comedic blend of both.  Remember the guy with the five kids?  When I met his middle kid, I thought the boy was older.  (I’m going to call him John in this story.  He is no longer a minor; however, I believe in this situation it is best to use a pseudonym.)

Don’t remember why or how I volunteered to drive a bunch of kids from Point A to Point B.  But I did.  So I have kids crammed into my car and some of the kids are talking about getting their driver’s license soon.  I remarked, “Well John, you’ll be getting yours in a couple years.”   Just as I said this, I looked into the rearview mirror.  John shot me a dirty look and said, “What are you talking about?  I’m only 13.”  Initially his reaction shocked me.  Most kids when you guess they are older are flattered and seem proud to appear ‘all grown up’.  So I make a quip about him being big for his age and drop it.

Time goes by and I’m in the office with Father-of-Five when he gets a phone call.  It’s the psycho ex-wife.  She just got a copy of John’s birth certificate in the mail.  (John needs a passport so he can go to Canada with family.)  He’s not 14.  He’s 15.  And his 16^th birthday is only a few months away!  After all the back-and-forth over the phone, they realize one of them put down the wrong birth year when enrolling him at private school.  It seems John had two ‘5 Years Old’ birthday celebrations!  And when John transferred from the private school to public high school, the wrong year transferred with him.

You know all these thoughts were floating around in my head:  “Even if one of them wrote down the wrong year, you’d think the other parent would have corrected it sometime in the past 10 years!”  “Didn’t the grandparents notice one of the grandkids was 5 years old for 2 years?”  “This kid has been reading the wrong Chinese horoscope.”  “What the fuck is wrong with this family?”

To answer that I would have to tell you more stories.  Like when I met the youngest one, I truly thought he was a family friend or cousin.  No family resemblance.  Another story saved for another day.  Back to John.  I think he knew.  Deep down I think he knew and that is why his reaction towards me was intensely negative.  Or maybe he simply thought I was a bitch.

July 21, 2011

“To control negative physical and verbal actions, it is necessary to get at the root, the mind, and tame it.”  --His Holiness the Dalai Lama

The practice of sitting with one’s thoughts is about acceptance.  No guilt.  No regrets.  No running away and hiding.  You sit with yourself and observe.  Sometimes the thoughts are about dull everyday stuff.  Sometimes pleasant thoughts and nice memories creep in.  Sometimes a really dark, a really disturbing thought pops up.

A practitioner is encouraged not to deny the dark thoughts that arise.  You are to sit and let go of the thought.  You don’t take action towards or away from it.  You accept ‘it’ for what it is – a thought.  Taming the mind is not about suppressing your disturbing thoughts.  It is about acknowledging their existence.