July 13, 2011

 "We carry about us the burden of what thousands of people have said and the memories of all our misfortunes. To abandon all that is to be alone, and the mind that is alone is not only innocent but young -- not in time or age, but young, innocent, alive at whatever age -- and only such a mind can see that which is truth and that which is not measurable by words." --Jiddu Krishnamurti

Zazen.  Shikantaza.  Kinhin.  Meditatation.  Sitting.  Slow walking.  Boring stuff.  As dull as it is, I still feel most alive once I stand up and go about my day.  This practice of sitting with the “beginner’s mind” gives me space to be aware of the nuances in my daily round.

Like when someone is being insincere.  When someone tells me a bald-faced lie.  When someone tells me a different version of a story I heard them tell someone else just an hour ago.  When someone rolls their eyes at me while I’m sharing a personal remark from my journal.  I see it.  I recognize it.  I know for what it is. 

However, I am mindful to just observe.  I “just sit” with the emotions that surge through my mind.  I welcome the anger, the rage, the hurt.  Then I allow the emotions to pass.  All this occurs while the person is looking right at me with a smile and a giggle.  In those few moments (of allowing emotions in and inviting them to pass), I realize this poor soul is lost and scared.  They are just acting out because they cannot let the emotions pass and see this moment for what it is.  They are stuck to ruminate in whatever misery they create.  Such sad fucks.

Hey!   I said I sit.  I didn’t say I was enlightened.