I Can't Get Off

“Disturbing emotions not only disturb our own state of mind, they also disturb the minds of others.” --Dalai Lama

I know I’ve touched on this before, however it still has an everyday significance in our lives.  Let’s say spiritual, religious or personal practice isn’t your thing.  But you want to make a change or two to lessen the stress in your life.  I suggest this one change: do not keep people who are emotionally imbalanced in your life.

Vivian Green sings about it in Emotional Rollercoaster.  Everything she does to stay balanced is for not because she believes she cannot leave her lover’s emotional rollercoaster.  Lover, friend, co-worker, family – doesn’t matter the relationship.  What matters is realizing that there is energy sucking activity going on.  Personally the only sucking I like is either clit or cock.  Okay, add a nipple or two.  You can suck my toes; however, I will not suck yours.  Apologies, I digress.

The person (or persons) who want to draw you into their mire of emotional wreckage cannot, or will not, produce their own balance.  They truly need your energy to give them solace.  You can continue to use your energy to bolster their ride.  Or you can use your energy to create balance in your life.  Choices, choices, choices.  I’ve spent the past fifteen years allowing others to use my energy for their gain.  No more.  Today I use my energy for my balance, my life choices.  I invite you to do the same. 

Being Grateful

“If you don't think every day is a good day, just try missing one.” --Cavett Robert

I was asked to today: “Are you a glass-half-full or glass-half-empty person?”  After a slight pause I answered, “I’m a grateful-to-have-a-glass person.”

The Creation Myth

“Adopt the pace of nature: her secret is patience.” –Ralph Waldo Emerson

I was talking with someone the other day after a meeting.  He shared with me he was anxious to leave and get home to check the mail.  He was waiting for a letter (which was a week late) and if it wasn’t in the mailbox, he was going to call the firm’s office.  I commented that it was almost 8 o’clock at night and no one would be there to address his concern.  Silence.  I quipped, “There is always a tomorrow.”  He replied, “Ya have to live like there is no tomorrow.”

He is right.  There is no tomorrow.  Tomorrow is an idea.  It does not exist, it will never exist.  To have thoughts about a tomorrow is to invite dissatisfaction.  The future, as we script it in our imagination, never comes to pass the way we envision it.  Tomorrow will always fall short when compared to those vividly crafted dreams reworked to perfection. 

I am right.  Another day will dawn.  There will be another moment beyond this one.  Though this moment is what matters the most, it does not stay still.  It evolves into another moment.  And another.  Eventually the moon will settle against the horizon and give way to a rising sun.   What is not a given is that I, a sentient being, may not be here to experience the next day.

Most people create a tomorrow in which they exist in it.  I believe it is from this premise we set ourselves up for continuous disappointment, or constant suffering.  Attachment occurs when I believe my existence is crucial to the sun rising in the morning.  Illusions begin when I act on the belief that the waxing of the moon requires my existence.  Such nonsense.  Yet we all go about our days making choices and taking action based upon this silliness.  Want to live like there’s no tomorrow?  Then live in this moment.  And nothing more.

Guess Who?

“The most exhausting thing in life is being insincere.” –Anne Morrow Lindbergh

Staying silent.  Leaving out pertinent information during conversations.  Conscious bait-and-switch.  Subconscious behavioral patterns.  Fear-based reactions.  Attachments.

I find most people get into relationship trouble, especially in the fetish community, when they are not honest with themselves.  Don’t tell me you want to be someone’s play toy and then cry foul when you don’t get lovey, dovey texts throughout the day.  What would possess a kinky-only-in-the-bedroom type to submit a petition to be a collared slave?

I’m at that stage with my meditation where the shit bubbling up is self involved.  Sometimes it’s boring stuff.  Sometimes it’s scary stuff.  Whatever comes to the surface helps me keep an even keel in the sometimes confusing waters of FetishLand.  I encounter my share of biases.  For some I am “not real” because I won’t play privately with people I don’t know well.   For some I am “responsible” because I keep myself safe by playing in public play spaces.  Regardless of what others think, I am me.  Sometimes I get a meanie bug up my ass and one could tag my role as Sadist.  Sometimes I want to cause pain and  portray the pornographic image of a Dominatrix; therefore, you could identify me as a Service Top.  When I get the hots for someone who only wants it in the bedroom and then call me kinkster.

Every so often on FetLife a group discussion pops up about what constitutes a _______.  Fill in the blank with a FetLife role or what I refer to as a personal designation.  Today mine is posted as a Domme.  The dilemma I encounter with any fetish social network is the understanding of what these roles mean.  Someone asked me once if I was a Sadist.  My reply was, “I can be.”  I don’t hide the ebbs and flows of what comprises “me”.  And I know several others who don’t hide themselves.  For others who are stuck on the labels and the pigeonholes, this can be irritating.  For those who are aloof towards the labels, there is liberation.  For those who are releasing the attachments to roles or designations, there is life.

Hi! My name is...

“Good judgment comes from experience, and often experience comes from bad judgment.”  --Rita Mae Brown

I have a Crossdressing.com profile.  I am on Twitter.  I have a Facebook page; though, I think I need to delete it.  I have a FetLife profile that is pretty barebones.  To the Fet World I show my links to this blog and my Rockin’ Robin tweets, tweets.  My reason for being such an information minimalist isn’t that I’m too lazy, too uppity, or too indifferent  to complete the profile in a traditional manner.  It is because I want you to get to know me through meeting me.  I am active on FetLife in order to know about events, to RSVP for the events I can get to, and to use their e-mail to keep in touch with friends.  That’s it.  I’m not advertising today for anyone or anything.  I’m going to munches, events, and workshops.  I meet people while I’m out and about doing devious and dubious shit.

Gone are the days of putting myself out there on a site, baring my soul and using electronic connections to make my personal connections.  The last two times I did this I got seriously singed.  If you take a whiff in my direction you may still pick up the lingering odor of burnt soul.  And I ain’t talking about fish sticks.

I cannot harp on this point enough.  Get off the computer every so often.  Go to a munch.  Go to an event.  Talk to real live-in-the-flesh people.  Assess how they carry themselves.  Do they look you in the eye when you are talking to them?  Do they listen to your questions?  What kinds of replies do you get?  Do they ask you about yourself?  Do they share equally about themselves?

There are several attributes and traits that are real turnoffs for me.  Like I don’t mind being cut off in conversations as long as the other person is completing my sentences, thoughts or is adding to the conversation.  However the act of cutting me off is annoying when someone does it to draw attention towards themselves.  Of course the consistent use of ‘coulda’, shoulda’ and oughta’ makes me want to run for the hills.  You can catch a little bit of this through emails or from a profile; however, most control freaks have learned to hide this aspect of themselves when writing.

So from my previous experiences exercising bad judgment I have learned something about myself.  I like to meet people.  I enjoy hearing their stories and sharing mine.  I like to laugh, smile and be nerdy-silly.  I enjoy people who have a positive outlook and are willing to laugh along side of me.  And who don’t mind me quoting a movie line or doing awful impersonations .  Because around me you never know…  Is it safe? … Is it safe?

High Fidelity

“Many persons have a wrong idea of what constitutes true happiness. It is not attained through self-gratification but through fidelity to a worthy purpose” -- Helen Keller

Remember the old recording tape commercials?  "Is it live, or is it Memorex?"  It was back in the day when hi fi was the quest.  High Fidelity.  Most people when they hear ‘fidelity’ think of someone or something being pure, loyal, faithful.  If I were to make the request for fidelity, you probably would think I’m requesting sexual and emotional exclusivity.  Well you’re wrong.  When I hear the word ‘fidelity’ I think of accuracy, proper representation, in-your-face truth.

If you are all about the kink and only want it in the bedroom, there is no shame in admitting it.  This is critical information when negotiating for a play partner.  Are you a dominant type wanting to do the nasty with another dominant type?  Cool beans.  If you are into cross dressing, yet play it straight in all other aspects of your life, then strut in them heels!  There are gg’s (genetic girls) who think you’re sexy.  Are you someone who only wants to bind people up in rope so you can take some wicked snapshots?  Excellente, my friend.

Psst…psst… stop your multitasking, your wondering thoughts.  Pay attention.  Focus.

Fidelity works for me because it means you’ve passed the scrutiny wand over your life, your dreams, your deep recesses, your garbage.  I find fidelity sexy.  There’s something magnetic about a person who says, “This is who I am.  This is what I’m about.” AND THEY MEAN IT!

As we “Remember, Remember, the Fifth of November” at the The Geeky Kink Event, hit me up for a worthy purpose.  We are going to find out if it’s live or if it’s Memorex.

A Eureka Moment

“Listening to people keeps them entertained.” –Mason Cooley

I’m a fairly good listener.  That is if you believe listening is about taking in what someone is telling you and filing it away in your memory banks.  I’m an awful listener if you believe listening is about being able to decode accurately what is being said.

I’m not the brightest star in the universe when it comes to assessing when people are being candid with their words or when they are misleading with their words.  I know why this is: most deceitful people truly believe their own bullshit.  It is their sincerity in the moment that trips me up.

Lately when I ‘sit’ (new to my blog? Translation: zazen) my thoughts have been migrating towards how to become a more open listener, how to accurately process what I am listening to.  I had a moment today.  Eureka!

Detach.  Detach from how I expect the message to be decoded.  I, as the receiver, am responsible for how the message gets into my data banks.  I have mostly started with the premise people don’t want to be caught in blatant lies; therefore, I consider detailed information as primarily valid.  This is my attachment.  Believing I can ascertain fiction from truth.  I cannot.  With this realization, the feeling of naked vulnerability set in.